Monday, August 08, 2005
hi.. i realise i haven posted for a long long time.. cos theres alwys so much to say.. but.. :s yes tt opening sounded really depressin but anything.. well.. yesterday had class outing to sentosa.. =) met up w 4'7 lik arnd 9+ b4 gg to harbour front macs to eat..it was okay at first.. then timothy came (drum major sas band aka didi's good friend) well. aparently sa band sec 4 had this outin to sentosa too only he din wana go.. sigh.. it kinda started form then.. when we had this semi big row abt why i got to go out w my class to play while he had to study.. hmm.. heck.. oh another classmate had this huge row w his gf too.. hope it went well.. aft tt we went to sentosa.. tanned.. played vball.. swam.. slacked.. took pics.. ate CHUN JIA's MUFFINS.. basically had a good time slackin and juz not thinking about anything.. haha i got a nice tann even thou im rather burnt now.. haha i've weird tan lines but u wun really see them unless im stark naked. heh. i enjoyed myself =) but thru out e whole outin.. got this naggin feelin.. brought tears to my eyes a couple o times but tried not to think too much.. hmm.. we din call or msg each other the entire day.. it felt.. really saddening.. yet relieveing cos without his msges meant nothing to hurt me since nth would have been really worth readin.. guess not speakin e entire day kinda made everything.. boil until it evapourated.. that evening he suddenly called.. askin for a breakup.. guess that made e sudden evapouration hurt.. i started cryin.. not cos i was sad or hurtin.. but cos.. er.. cos mel cries easily la~ haha.. i dno la.. v confused myself.. anyway.. someone did something really really really sweet for someone else last night.. i was really touched by it.. show u guys a pic of e touching thing okay..
its not a plain heart okay.. its a heart made out of 200 light sticks carefully arranged together.. damn lovely.. i cried when i saw it.. ok i was cryin even before i saw it but u get the pnt.. anyway.. things went.. alright with that pair.. if u'd call it alright.. things din go okay w us thou.. went really bad at lik 8+ last night.. lik really really badly.. we kinda officially broke up.. i was crushed.. went atop some rock n cried there.. beyond miserable.. sigh.. jevon n darren came to check on me.. n jevon talked to me abt stuff.. hmm.. made me abit better i guess.. see a different side of things.. reminded me i still had my wings.. n being single i can fly* realised ther's actually really more to that joker than he lets others in too.. hmm.. thanks so much man.. u helped reduce the temptation of flinging myself off the rock.. haha oh me n yings agree on sth now.. TEN YEARS!! HA!! haha.. didi called me an hour or so later.. said he din wana break up anymore.. said mayb we could meet today n mayb be happy? i agreed. well..
TODAY... throughout phy tuition.. millions of thoughts running through my head.. dont get it.. mel can move on easily.. yet she's holdin on so tightly to this one.. its weird in a way.. stupidity.. over dependence.. was thinking abt what jevon said.. abt singlehood.. so decided that MAYB we could take a break.. lik away from each other until all this anger we felt died down n e love came back.. freak havin a serious talk to tt guy is e equivilant o talkin to a ragin bull.. almost got flung down the stairs and almost had my arms twisted off.. sigh violence is bad.. i wanted to take a break so when we got back tgt mayb he'd scold me less.. and we'd be happier together.. then he read it wrongly n tot i was askin 4 a brk up.. so he insisted on one.. freakin hard to talk him out of it.. after buckets of both our tears n blood guess things got better.. he says i think too much.. dwell too much on things tt've been said/done in moments of anger.. how can i not.. its e way ive alwys been.. analytical.. everything means something.. he says he doesnt like how my friends and now my class is so impt to me.. n in his opinion, more important that he is.. sigh.. he was really angry cos yest could have been a day well spent together but i chose my class over him..guess i was in e wrong a lil in that but still...... i say he's too violent with me.. his temper's too outta control.. its scaring me so.. even in anger.. a guy shd nv be violent to a girl ah.. fuckin hell if i were a guy w comparable strength it'd b u goin down e stairs. ok im angry w him.. emotional/verbal abuse is wrong too :( anyway i probably broke any crying record ever set today.. and i have proven that fasio's mascara even thou effect not extremely nice.. is confirm 100% waterproof.. even if u're crying buckets it wont run.. tested and proven.. by me.. hmm.. ok conclusion to this weird long entry.. we've decided to take 1 month.. give ourselves time to deicde things and change for each other.. if its still like this in one month.. we've agreed to move on.. i pray it wun end this way.. boo.. :( im quite sad.. nvm.. i shall smile..
mayb if i smile through my tears and laugh through the pain.. it'll all go away*
* i'll close my eyes and remember. 2:13 AM *
